The Art Of Persuasion: How To Influence And Motivate Others Through Effective Communication
Unlocking our personal power requires more than just raw strength or confidence. It involves the ability to influence others effectively, and that means taking the time to understand what truly matters to them. By shifting our focus from ourselves to others, we open up new channels of communication and forge stronger connections with those around us. In this episode, we’ll delve into proven strategies for honing this essential skill, helping you build more meaningful relationships and achieve greater success in all areas of your life.
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The Art Of Persuasion: How To Influence And Motivate Others Through Effective Communication
Once we begin to achieve the degree of self-knowledge and discipline that gives us the capacity to do consistently and reliably what we say will do, the matter of extending and growing our power becomes a function of how well we connect with other people. When we do so in ways that inspire them to productive change, we function as effective leaders. Influence, persuasion, and inspiration are the emotional powers for better and worse behind the great landmarks in human endeavor the achievements we ascribe to leaders. They don’t reach these aims alone. In every case, they cultivated groups of people who faithfully served the same cause.
What are the secrets behind those leaders who have accomplished this? What can we all learn from them and apply to beneficial effects in our own lives? We will dive into these questions in this episode. When we picture the process of effective communication, we often conjure images of eloquent passionate speeches, perhaps pounding the podium and so doing.
We think in terms of making airtight in arguable cases that defy argument and encourage agreement. There’s truth there. Sometimes, we witness historically important political speeches. We see dramatic speeches, films, and television written by brilliant writers who pride themselves on they are carefully crafted words that move people. Again, this is true but it isn’t the whole story. It doesn’t translate to many of our daily interactions. We don’t tend to craft and rehearse speeches but that doesn’t mean we can’t do better by paying closer attention to the dynamics of persuasion.
An important tip is to think of communication as less the transfer of ideas and more as an exchange of energy. The type of energy we are talking about is the kind we experience in emotional terms. Another way of thinking about this is that communication is not what we say, but that which we mutually create in our thoughts and feelings. The most common short circuit in the process happens in our minds when we believe we know things we don’t. We make a lot of assumptions in conversations.
Communication is not what we say but what we mutually create in our thoughts and feelings.
There’s one type of assumption that is particularly damaging to our power to persuade. We assume that people perceive things the same way we do. In some ways they do, but it’s also crucially important to recognize the degree to which perspectives vary. It’s an easy trap to fall into. We make assumptions largely because we must. A busy workday doesn’t allow every idea to be litigated and every assumption to be checked. It isn’t workable to go for the ideal outcome in every conversation, especially as we first turn our attention to the task of improving our persuasion ability. We will get better when we apply discipline to wisely choose conversations. Maybe, even at least one every day, wherein we practice honing our ability to influence.
We spoke about the importance of emotion. This is continually supported by study after study and neuroscience over the past few decades consistently underscore the role of emotion in human behavior. It’s not much of an exaggeration to say that emotion is behind every one of our actions. This holds even for the smartest, most rational of us. This means that we are moved not so much by argument, rationality, and facts as we are by how those things make us feel. We most effectively influence people by paying particular attention to this aspect of our interpersonal communications. This is understood by the great motivators and leaders throughout history. What are the emotional strings they all learn to play with skill akin to Itzhak Perlman playing his violin? They all understand the universal basic needs of humans and they find ways to powerfully connect their message, advice, and calls to action to desired outcomes in those areas.
Among these are the seven primary needs we all want. Number one is to feel safe and secure. Number two is to feel a sense of belonging to a group. Number three is a sense that we are seen and appreciated for the unique individual we all are. Number four is freedom or relief from current or anticipated pain. Number five is a desire to feel positive emotions. Number six is a sense that what we do matters. Otherwise, thought of as a sense of purpose, and number seven is a sense of permanency or legacy.
If we wish to be of greater influence, we do well to focus on 1 or more of these 7 and speak in these terms. The practical way we might work on these things begins as all deliberate improvement does. We pay closer attention. Start now. In your next few conversations, especially ones where there’s emotional content, ask yourself this. Which of the seven universal needs is this person mainly concerned with? Are they focused on more than one of them? Is there something that could be done to help them address their need? In cases where you can identify answers to these questions, you can take it upon yourself to offer help. You could do it at the moment, but for the sake of your development, take time to prepare. Let’s look at what is involved in that option.
In our hypothetical example, you have come across someone who has shared 1 or more of the universal 7 needs and you can think of at least 1 thing you could do to help them address that need. Before it comes time for you to present your case, let’s run through a few steps in preparation. In this scenario, you have already taken a powerful leap in the direction of greater power to influence by simply orienting to that which the person has already an emotional investment. They may jump at the chance for your help, whatever form that may be, but they may not. Often, it helps and requires something from that person. They likely will have to make changes, which always require sacrifice. They may or may not be ready for that.
Regardless, our chances to persuade them to take positive action rise in proportion to the intensity of emotion they feel about meeting or failing to meet that need. There is one crucial method. One that works in every time in every place throughout the history of the human race is the power of story. We talk a lot about stories in the Eye Of Power Community. We humans think in story form. We spoke about studies in neuroscience. Another emerging insight in the industry is the confirmation of the power of narrative.
Persuasion: Our chances to persuade others to take positive action rise in proportion to the intensity of emotion they feel about meeting or failing to meet that need.
Related to how we are creatures driven by emotion, our emotion is derived in large part from the narrative. Our cognitive processes are simply a collection of stories. It makes sense then that we are moved by stories. If we wish to influence and motivate, there is no substitute for telling powerful stories.
Let me ask you. Do you consider yourself a good storyteller? Many don’t, but they underestimate themselves. They can and do tell stories. They just don’t know they are doing it. They could be much improved by incorporating a few basics. Other episodes dive deeper into the craft of storytelling, but for our purposes now, let me review the top few things to keep in mind to maximize a story’s impact and persuasiveness.
First, what makes a thing a story? The definition that makes the most sense to me is a story has a beginning, middle, and end and has an arc and a point. An arc means the end is different than the beginning or something has happened. The point is the message that the story conveys. The word story seems to connote a long-involved tale. It need not. The shortest story I’m aware of is a joke by an original King of one-liners, comedian Henny Youngman. Amid other pearls of self-deprecating lines, Henny emphasized that the poor plate in life is equipped. It’s like, “Take my wife, please.” Those four words fulfill the elements of a story.
Let’s return to your practice in building your ability to influence. Once you have identified the base raw need for the person and you have an idea that can address it, how can you put what you know into story form? I will answer by asking you some questions. Why do you think the way you do? Was there some experience you had that taught you that lesson? What did you believe before? What convinced you to change? When you made the change, what were the meaningful effects in your life?
Do you see what we are driving for here? We are crafting a story. The good thing is these answers don’t have to happen to us directly. We can borrow stories from others. Some evolutionary biologists theorized that the reason humans developed advanced cognition and language was to try out ideas so that we didn’t have to repeat them to risky even deadly effects. The stories of others can be compelling.
Still, my first suggestion would be to use your own. Nobody knows precisely what you know. Nobody has walked in your shoes. You have specific wisdom, a perspective unique to you. Building the skill and habit of telling inspirational stories from the catalog of our own lives allows others to enjoy the greater benefit of our walks. You take a lesson you learned. You look at the relatively poor condition you were in before you learned the lesson. You relate the details, especially that critical moment where the light bulb a-ha moment happened. You then finish with the costs and benefits of the journey to a better place. It’s three pieces, beginning, middle, and end. When the story directly addresses an area of obvious aching need, there you go. You will be a major positive influence on that person.
Nobody knows what you know. Nobody has walked in your shoes. You have specific wisdom and a perspective unique to you. Building the skill and habit of telling inspirational stories from the catalog of our own lives allows others to enjoy the greater benefit of our walks.
The journey is still there. Like Yoda or Obi-Wan, Luke Skywalker couldn’t have become a master Jedi without them and the dark side of the force would have prevailed in the galaxy for who knows how much longer. See that? Story. You may have another question on this topic. What about the circumstances when you have an agenda in mind and you want to win people to your way of thinking? I would say it’s still the same. Ask before you tell. Find where their emotion as it relates to the issues they have in mind is most intense.
What needs are unfulfilled? How does what you have in mind address those needs? What stories can you tell to show how your proposals lead to better outcomes? With these in mind, you will find your ability to influence and motivate others skyrockets and with it your, personal power. Your ability to make what you want to happen, happen. Let’s go.