The Power Of Nonverbal Communication: How To Read And Use Body Language To Your Advantage
Have you ever felt like someone’s body language was saying something completely different from their words? Nonverbal communication can be a powerful tool in any situation, from job interviews to presentations, but it’s also easy to misinterpret or misuse. In this week’s episode, we'll dispel common myths about body language and give you practical tips for reading and using it to your advantage. Whether you’re looking to build rapport, convey confidence, or simply understand what’s really going on in a conversation, you won’t want to miss this episode.
---
Listen to the podcast here
The Power Of Nonverbal Communication: How To Read And Use Body Language To Your Advantage
A lot of misinformation is parroted in support of this or that advice. We've all done it. It's nearly impossible to avoid. The most damaging of these kinds of myths leads us to unproductive actions. For example, have you ever heard this? Only 7% of our communication is the words we use. It's a figure often cited by presentation or communication coaches, people who do what I do. It's BS. It's analogous to such misleading tidbits as "Bumblebees technically can't fly" or "Women earn $0.77 for each $1 men earn." When we make such claims, we fall into the trap of a common logical fallacy. We take a single specialized analysis, one that reduces a study to a few or even single factors, and erroneously reach generalized conclusions where the claims crumble as uncontrolled four variables enter the picture.
Obviously, bumblebees can fly. That myth came from engineers myopically analyzing the aerodynamics of bees' wings and failing to note factors such as wing pliability and the insect's ability to control their wings' attitudinal rotation through the beating cycle. Unusually, they scoop air like you might use a closed hand to scoop water. As to the disparity in earnings between the sexes, it is there, but it isn't due to sexism in the manner commonly suggested. The pay gap shrinks as we add to the factor of gender other real-world factors such as attitudes about the importance of work-life balance, comfort with physical risk, and the impact of disagreeableness on salary, along with many others.
In the case of interpersonal communication, the 7% figure comes from studies conducted at UCLA in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s by Professor Albert Mehrabian. His work, against his own warnings, is mis-sighted to emphasize the point that we need to pay more attention to our tonality, facial expressions, and body language when we're trying to influence or persuade, whether it's a personal conversation or a formal group presentation.
We need to pay more attention to our tonality, facial expressions, and body language when we're trying to influence or persuade, whether it's a personal conversation or a formal group presentation.
While the nonverbal factors are important and powerful, this leads to a disempowering view. Like the other examples, it's an error that comes from the non-scientific application of scientific findings. It's a most human thing to do. Social scientists aren't the ones misinterpreting the work of Mehrabian. Just like engineers aren't baffled that bumblebees can fly. It's laypeople offering scientific evidence to support non-scientific assertions. Mostly, they're well-meaning, but that doesn't mitigate the damage they cause.
In this case, the mistake can cause us to undervalue a glaring truth. Our words matter. The highest development of communication ability requires a mastery of language. It's crucially important for all of us to expand our cognitive and communicative powers by continually developing our ability to think critically and manage our emotions. Language skills are indispensable parts of these abilities.
In this episode, we'll consider the nonverbal elements of communication. The first takeaway I want to share is we should all focus on building our capacity with words. Does this mean we shouldn't pay attention to body language? Absolutely not. It means we need to be mindful about what it does and doesn't tell us. It's a big topic. One where there is an entire field of expertise. We'll deal with the basics and look at those specific factors to which we can easily pay attention and get the most from our enhanced awareness. We can best begin by being mindful of how our neuropsychology works. Our brains are comprised of different regions, each with specialized functions. Among these, there is a hierarchy or an order in which they evolved.
The first is the autonomous functions like cardiopulmonary, waste disposal, and nutrient absorption. The things that go on without us ever having to think about them. They are shared among creatures with similar features such as hearts, stomachs, livers, and lungs. Among these are other functions related to an instinct to survive, fight or flight responses. These are largely precognitive. They operate in advance of us using the parts of our brain where thinking happens. We all experience this many times. Maybe it was a dark out-of-place item in our peripheral vision. We experience a jolt of adrenaline before we can verify whether or not it's a spider or a snake.
These neural circuits are constantly switched on. They are operational during every conversation or presentation we have. They respond to information received through our senses, and they react to our thoughts. When we interpret any threat, they trigger physical reactions. Remember, this happens without us thinking about it. The reactions range from subtle to extreme, based on how we perceive the potential danger. In the extremes, we will aggressively strike or retreat to safety, fight or flight. As this relates to body language, we'll concern ourselves with more subtle expressions.
The first order of business for this primordial part of our brain is to make a single determination. Am I dealing with a friend or foe? A big part of the methodology is taking comfort in the known and ascribing danger to the unfamiliar. The more we're aligned physically and mentally, the more our brains say, "This is our friend." This is why when we're in rapport with people, we are similarly tuned in the vibrational physical functions like our heart rates, rate of breathing, pace of speech, even our posture, and how frequently we shift. We don't need to think about it. These harmonies naturally follow feelings of connection. It's also why it's easier for us to feel closer to people who share our values and interests. Our body language naturally synchronizes in these cases, and conversations flow.
Nonverbal Communication: It's easier for us to feel closer to people who share our values and interests. Our body language naturally synchronizes in these cases, and conversations flow.
It's in those times when this doesn't happen where trouble can enter the scene. Body language tells us when we're approaching this thin ice. It's also where an opportunity lies. What should we look for? It comes down to fight-or-flight responses. We can recognize movement in the direction of flight by a physical readiness to move to retreat. Does the person we're speaking with have all their possessions in or near their grasp? How quickly? If push came to shove, could the person get up and leave the room? Are they leaning away? Are their feet on the ground with a posture that makes it easy for them to spring away? The body literally shouts, "Protect. Escape."
Words come in here too. Are their responses minimal and short? Are they trying to shorten the conversation? These all say loud and clear, "I want out." When we are in a conversation that's going like this, we do best to respect their feelings by either giving them that out or by turning the conversation in a direction that will assuage their uneasiness. Their discomfort could range on the mild side from disinterest to, on the heavier side, alarm or fear.
Either way, turning the conversation to them, what they see is best, where their mind happens to be, and what they would like to see happen. Things like that often move things in a more productive direction. The key here is to build the habit of paying attention because this is most likely to happen when we are absorbed in the things in which we happen to be personally invested. In those cases, it's difficult to remain aware of what's going on with others, but it is crucially important if we want to maximize our personal power.
Another response pattern possibility is not flight, but fight. The person is not trying to get away. They're now in attack mode. Short of actual violence, the most obvious extremes could be such physical signs as a flushed face, raised voice, aggressive posture, finger-pointing, belittling, or dismissive language. Often, the signs are more subtle such as clutched fists, crossed arms, inappropriate humor, or thinly failed insults.
As in the case where the person is approaching flight mode, mastery in the use of body language means noticing the signs early while they're subtle, and reacting before going down a path that aggravates the negative emotions. Once the negative emotions get going, things get much more difficult. If we can catch the eyebrow raised and annoyance, and adjust accordingly, our chances of a successful exchange go up significantly.
If we're talking to more than one person, let’s say, making a presentation to a group, our work is a bit more challenging. In these situations, it's particularly important to pay attention to our audience. That means we should consciously minimize our concern about how we might adjust our own body language. We do that in response to new information. Our default starting point. The place that will minimize fight or flight responses most of the time is one where we are focused on the audience and not ourselves. This is where charm and a sense of humor are so valuable. Something self-deprecating that makes people smile is a surefire way to reduce the brain's perception of threat. This gives us more leeway to offer potentially challenging messaging after we're established as friends, not foes.
When we're sharing a message, it's helpful to do so as much as possible from the perspective of being on the same side of the table, looking at and working on problems together with eyes forward on similar goals. Of course, there are lots more subtleties involved with body language. Not everybody is the same. People's responses range over a wide spectrum. Experts use the discipline of establishing a baseline, a sort of neutral or normal range on a case-by-case basis before reaching conclusions. Remember where we started with the dangers of using signal factor analysis to make generalized assumptions? To best do this, we need to build the habit of noting body language in more of our conversations. Just as in any skill and habit, it takes more effort in the beginning, and it gets easier once established.
When we're sharing a message, it's helpful to do so as much as possible from the perspective of being on the same side of the table, looking at and working on problems together with eyes forward on similar goals.
Think of a rocket launch. Most of the energy is required to get up off the pad. When I'm working with clients to establish new habits, I often recommend using the discipline of a written log. In this case, we might help ourselves pay closer attention to body language by making the decision to log at least three interactions every day. Depending upon our daily routine, this may need to be amended, but I like three. At the end of the day, we note our observations in the three or whatever number works best exchanges.
Over time, we notice patterns and shifts. This insight adds to our power because the insights allow us to adapt in ways we otherwise would not have. Our range of behavior expands as does the range of people with whom we may meaningfully connect. As they do, we become not only more insightful but also more persuasive. No matter our profession, role, age, or level of achievement, it's well worth the effort. Let's go.